Hmmpph

That about sums up how I'm feeling today as hormonal as it may be. Started the day off taking little Mikey to the pediatrician. He is doing good and is already up to 7lbs 12oz. More the less, to say that today has been a little less than challenging is an understatement (even considering I have some help this week). I guess I just am starting to feel tired and overwhelmed. Hubby went back to work today and the picture looks a bit gloomy being stuck at home with a crying baby all day. Days are longs, nights are already late.

My mind is telling me that it will get easier once the routine is place and baby is sleeping through the night. I sure hope so.... my pelvic still hurts, my face is swollen and eyes sunken. I'm so tired and exhausted. Please tell me I can do this?!

At last...

Well I wanted to come in here to update while I have a little bit of time. Mikey's grandparents will be here to today and I have to finish getting ready for that. So far things are going good except for the lack of sleep. Mikey has taken well to breastfeeding although at times the pain is a bit much, I do still enjoy it. We also started baby cloth this week. He still has a ton of newborn disposables that I have been trying to use but I really do just love him in his little fluffy butt!

Re: Progress....well its going fantastic and I couldn't be happier with the changes my body is going through on a daily basis. I did take starting pictures yesterday that I plan to post in about 2 weeks when I have some comparison photo's. I'm already down 18lbs and expect to be at my prepregnancy weight in a week or 2 at most. I will explain that later in more detail regarding weight gain etc.... I'm hoping to be cleared to begin training again so I'm anxiously awaiting my 6week appointment. Until then diet is all about nutrition and I'm keep things in perspective with what I am eating and the weight is coming off 'without' exercise at the moment. Suprisingly, it hasn't been that much of a transition for me going back to eating healthy (something which was a little short than lackluster during my pregnancy). At the moment I'm really just making sure I get 3 healthy meals in and 2/3 snacks a day. My food is not competition clean because thats not something I plan to starting doing for awhile. When it's time to track and count again I'm sure I'll have many complaints. HA!

Long time coming

I have so much to say but not enough time to say it all. My baby is now 6 days old and I'm feeling and loving every bit of being mommy! I have to admit I was a little bit worried because I lacked the bonding experience that so many mothers have while pregnant. The biggest obstacle for me was and still is dealing with my mother's passing Sept 15, 2007. Having said that, my mind was just spinning and spinning from thoughts on how I would be able to cope with a new baby without her being here and I think a big part of me is upset with myself that I didn't give her a grandchild while she was still here. That's all she wanted, but of course, me and my stubbornness. Now I'm feeling overjoyed with happiness as I sit here expressing candid feelings and emotions, with my baby boy beside me, eyes brightly open, looking at the fairies (Ha! I swear I think he sees angels and fairies, I insist). I love him so so much in a way that I never thought would be imaginable. Imaginable for me to dream for him, care for him and love him. I do! I love my baby boy through the good and the stinky (he is pooping right now rather loudly too I might add :-D)!

So where do I go from here? How do I deal with all the new possibilities that life has brought me and will continue to bring me? I guess like I mentioned in my intro... this is my therapy. I've been through a lot in my lifetime and feel that I need another outlet. So I'll be posting many ramblings as often as I can between learning to balance being a good wife, good mother, my fitness journey and just learning to accept things and not be so afraid of the unknown.

Re: Fitness journey... I know many of you are wanting to follow my transformation from post partum back to stage. I'll be posting transformation info and photo's as often as I can with stats. Right now I have to say though that my focus is on healing and getting back to normal and to loathe in feeling like myself again. I have already cleaned up my diet and my weight is coming of steadily and at a good pace. Since this is the beginning and without pics this is where I am starting from:

Weight at birth: 188lbs
Current weight: 174.5lbs

Goal and Maintenance weight: 132lbs
Competition weight goal: 120lbs

I will try to get some starting pictures up around week 2 or 3 post partum and will start training again when I am cleared. Please... for those of you following along please let me know and share your thoughts and comments with me as well. I will try to be as open and honest as I can so feel free to ask me any questions or make any suggestions. OK signing off for now. Have to go change the little one. :)