Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Home is where the heart is

I'm coming off of a really great christmas that just exceeded my expectations. What's different this year is that I have Mikey and I've never felt the warmth and love of a family not your blood. I may have not been able to go to my home, but you know they say..."Home is where the heart is" and this is truly how I felt. In my heart it just felt right and I've never been one to believe in blessings. Lately, I can't help but to feel this way and I'd say I'm happy to be apart of the family.

Mikey had a great Christmas and he got to meet all of his cousins but one (we miss you Maddy). They just ate him up and it warmed my heart to see how in love they were with him, just as I am. He truly is a blessing and the best thing that could have happened to me. So we just spent the weekend enjoying each other. I also was lucky enough that I got to see my granny, uncle and brother. On the last day I was a bit sad though because I had been away from Mikey all day and I was getting a bit anxious. But I'm so glad I had the chance to see him. It had been 2 years since the last visit and he was so happy to have us there.

And now that the holidays are almost over I will be able to post more. I also of course cannot wait to get back on program and start tracking again. I'm really really anxious to drop this last 30lbs and once I stop nursing it should get somewhat easier as I will be able to drop my calories to where they need to be for the weightloss I am expecting.

So I'm super excited about starting 2010 and all the new wonderful things I have to look forward to and I hope you all are too.

2010 is the year for NO EXCUSES!! Let's do it!!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Monday, December 14, 2009

"Angel of mine"

"Angel Of Mine"
When I first saw you I already knew
There was something inside of you
Something I thought I would never find
sweet Angel of Mine
I look at you, lookin' at me
Now I know why they say the best things are free
I'm gonna love you, 'cus you're right on time
sweet Angel Of Mine

How you've changed my world you'll never know
I'm different now, you helped me grow
You came into my life sent from above
When I lost all hope you showed me love
I'm checkin' for you and you're right on time
sweet Angel Of Mine
Nothing means more to me than what we share
No one in this whole world can ever compare
When you smile, it's always on my mind
sweet Angel Of Mine
What you mean to me you'll never know
Deep inside I need to show
You came into my life sent from above
When I lost all hope, you showed me love
I'm checkin' for ya and you're right on time
sweet Angel Of Mine

I never knew I could feel each moment
As if it were knew
Each breathe you take, the love for heavens' sake
I only share it with you
When I first saw you I already knew
there was something inside of you
something I thought I would never fine
sweet Angel Of Mine

Monday, December 7, 2009

And Sometimes it's just time

So today I really wanted to talk about something a little bit different. It was really my ah-ha moment... Usually, normally, I'm very well guarded and tend to be accepting of new things. This brings me back to the whole fear of not knowing. Lately, I've been feeling a lot better after I realized how much more pleasant my life is and could be once I've allowed myself to open up a little bit more. Sometimes it's really just time to move on and let go of the things that are holding you back because you're afraid to venture off and create a new family and circle. Well, that is me...That has been me in the past. However, lately I'm finding myself enjoying my surroundings and the people in a little bit more. Sure does make for peace of mind too....to know that you can have that support if you're willing to open yourself up to it. People change, people grow apart, people become new people and well, sometimes it's just time to let go and that's okay too! I won't go into specifics but yeah, so that's my realization and I feel so much better overall now.

This weekend I spent it with a new group of people and it felt very refreshing. I cannot believe that I am finally starting to feel normal again. After all this time! Friday I spent a couple hours and my friends house just visiting her and then ran some errands, lost my wallet, found my wallet and then dealt with a fussy baby the rest of the night. On Saturday I attended a baby shower which turned out to be really nice. It had all the comfort and warmth that I was missing at my own (which almost did bring me to tears) but I guess this goes back to the just sometimes it's time thing..so I let it go. I was just completely amazed by level of friendship, love and support here even though they are essentially new friendships. Just goes to show that things can be good and that there are genuine people in the world. Well it was really nice and we ended the night with a couple drinks at a local sports bar. So not bad for a first full weekend out I must say so myself.

Sunday...we went to the mall and the mission was to find holiday dresses for my husband's Christmas party on Friday. Ummm...why didn't any of you guys warn me about this post partum body and buying clothes??? Ughhh, talk about disgust and frustration. Well, I was more than that actually. It occurred to me that my body really is different now that I've had Mikey. And it occurred to me that I no longer have the true luxury of being able to wear absolutely anything I want. Hell, I couldn't even fit into majority of the clothes. Yeah no kidding!! That's what I said also. And the ones I could fit in weren't actually flattering on me anymore. Oh gosh, the bubble pregnancy gut. You would think that with 32lbs gone already since Mikey that I would be okay...nope. I may have lost all the pregnancy weight but I have lots of work to do still. I mean my body has changed a lot and I never in a million gazillion years thought my pregnancy would do this to me...and leave me with a bodyfat % in the 30's...well that's the realization of it. I'm not that big actually but my bodyfat has completely changed and it's going to take a lot of hard work and commitment to get back to the teen's that I am used to....I'm working on it now!