Long time coming

I have so much to say but not enough time to say it all. My baby is now 6 days old and I'm feeling and loving every bit of being mommy! I have to admit I was a little bit worried because I lacked the bonding experience that so many mothers have while pregnant. The biggest obstacle for me was and still is dealing with my mother's passing Sept 15, 2007. Having said that, my mind was just spinning and spinning from thoughts on how I would be able to cope with a new baby without her being here and I think a big part of me is upset with myself that I didn't give her a grandchild while she was still here. That's all she wanted, but of course, me and my stubbornness. Now I'm feeling overjoyed with happiness as I sit here expressing candid feelings and emotions, with my baby boy beside me, eyes brightly open, looking at the fairies (Ha! I swear I think he sees angels and fairies, I insist). I love him so so much in a way that I never thought would be imaginable. Imaginable for me to dream for him, care for him and love him. I do! I love my baby boy through the good and the stinky (he is pooping right now rather loudly too I might add :-D)!

So where do I go from here? How do I deal with all the new possibilities that life has brought me and will continue to bring me? I guess like I mentioned in my intro... this is my therapy. I've been through a lot in my lifetime and feel that I need another outlet. So I'll be posting many ramblings as often as I can between learning to balance being a good wife, good mother, my fitness journey and just learning to accept things and not be so afraid of the unknown.

Re: Fitness journey... I know many of you are wanting to follow my transformation from post partum back to stage. I'll be posting transformation info and photo's as often as I can with stats. Right now I have to say though that my focus is on healing and getting back to normal and to loathe in feeling like myself again. I have already cleaned up my diet and my weight is coming of steadily and at a good pace. Since this is the beginning and without pics this is where I am starting from:

Weight at birth: 188lbs
Current weight: 174.5lbs

Goal and Maintenance weight: 132lbs
Competition weight goal: 120lbs

I will try to get some starting pictures up around week 2 or 3 post partum and will start training again when I am cleared. Please... for those of you following along please let me know and share your thoughts and comments with me as well. I will try to be as open and honest as I can so feel free to ask me any questions or make any suggestions. OK signing off for now. Have to go change the little one. :)