My realization..truth that is!

First happy Monday to everyone!

What a great week and weekend. I couldn't be anymore pleased with how everything worked out. Thanksgiving turned to be pretty great despite my initial fears that I would sulk in my own sadness and misery for not being able to enjoy the company of family. While I was initially disappointed, I'm also very grateful for being able to spend it with two of the closest people we have here in Atlanta. I know kind of gay to give the what are you thankful for spill...but I realized that sometimes family is about the environment and warmth that you create around yourself...not always blood. Now, having been here for about 2 yrs now, I can finally say that I am started to accept the changes and the new people in my life. Sometimes, it's just about making the best of the situation and by allowing people to come into my life, I've realized how much better and enjoyable it is and has become. Yes, I am grateful for the new family that I formed here. I like the warmth and the reliability of them and I look forward to getting to know each and everyone of them just a little bit better. So yes, turkey day...not so bad after all.

Next on my list of things to address is well....my progress, which all but seems to have stalled. I've been stuck for 3 weeks now and I'm ready now...today to do better again and jump back at it. I think I have been avoiding the next step for way too long. I was just so mentally distraught after my last months of doing this. You ask what is 'this'? Well that is counting, tracking...calories that is. I was hoping to make it to 150lbs without having to do this but as it turns out I am going to need to track sooner than later if I want to see continued progress. Well, that's just the truth of the matter.

YES, I am aware that I cannot diet the way I would normally because I am still nursing and no worries...I really don't intend to. I do, however, intend to track what I am eating daily again and keep my calories at a sustainable amount for continued nursing, all the while still being able to make progress. Having said that, I intend to add 300-400 more calories a day to my targeted calorie range for weight loss. Today will be day 1 of tracking and there is much to be done...food shopping and preparation. Time to get started folks... I mean why wait until New Years to do what you can do now?!




So just do it!!

Meal ideas...Anyone?

Happy Monday everyone!

I just got back from our 1 month checkup. Mikey has already gain 2lbs so he is 9.5lbs now and doing wonderful. We introduced a food to his diet this week (baby cereal) as suggested by my granny and MIL to help put the baby to sleep so that he sleeps longer at night. Seems to be the old school way of thinking and it didn't really work at all. Actually...it didn't work at all. Mikey was still fussy and hardly slept through the night. I did tell his doc about our experiment and well, she said she doesn't recommend it until 4 months of age and then to be fed with a spoon, not in a bottle. It certainly doesn't harm the baby but she mentioned it could cause some food allergies for babies that are given cereal before 4 months of age but that it was not detrimental. Not sure I am going to continue this or not. I'm going to try some other things tonight and try to figure out a different techinque for putting him to sleep. Hopefully something sticks soon because I am tired.

Now about my title...I'm looking for creative meal ideas that are not healthy (does'nt have to be super clean) but something I can easily figure out macros for and that is easy to prepare. Specifically I need some preworkout meal ideas, but also others are appreciated. For all of you that know me, you know how boring my meals are when I am eating well. Thats because its easy for me and easy for me to keep up with, but now I want to branch out and try some other things.

Any ideas/Suggestions??? Remember easy to prepare...I'm no chef or anything. ;)

First day back..

Yesterday marked my first day back in the gym. I was so nervous like a total newbie, but I guess that's to be expected when you haven't stepped foot in the gym in 8 months. I took it easy, no heavy lifting. Just 2 sets of a full body workout which for those that know me, you know that is my least favorite training split. However, for the time being it works because I don't want to push it or overdo anything. Weights are also super light. I mean for the first time ever I found myself glued to the 5-10lb dumbbells but don't worry folks...they were not pink. Haha! Then I finished with 20min of cardio on the treadmil at 2.5 speed and 4.0 incline. Hopefully I can increase all of that a tad bit next week?! When I got home I really felt like death..like maybe I had pushed myself too hard even though I really wasn't doing anything. Today I am feeling much better with just some pain in my lower back that I suspect is residual from my epidural when I had Mikey.

Eats yesterday was more but all good. I didn't go off plan or anything like I did a couple days ago when 3 pumpkin white chocolate cookies found their way into my mouth. I did eat a little bit more though because I was working out and made sure to keep my mouth closed after 1 cookie. haha! Today I'm gonna go a little bit lighter only because I am not planning on working out. I had planned to do cardio but that just isn't happening today. I'm too tired and my back really is annoying me. So onward to eats from yesterday:

Yesterday's Nutrition:
Meal 1: Worldwide pure protein bar
Meal 2: baked tilapia with roasted carrots, potatoes, onions, bellpepper
Meal 3: Myoplex RTD chocolate protein shake
Meal 4: turkey sausage, 1 slice american cheese, bread, 100 cal pack cookies
Meal 5: pork tenderloin, butter garlic crackers
snack: way too many cookies. Oops!

Today's Nutrition:
Meal 1: 2 white cheddar rice cakes, maple peanut butter (unmeasured)
Meal 2: garlic tuna in oil, butter garlic crackers
Meal 3: myoplex rtd protein shake
Meal 4: baked tilapia, mixed veggies (green beans, carrots, corn, peas)
Meal 5: pork tenderloin, mixed veggies, multi-vitamin
snack: 250 cal pumpkin white chocolate cookie

Another reason to celebrate

So I hit my prepregnancy weight which is reason to celebrate in my opinion. I've officially lost the 28lbs that I gained with Mikey in less than 4wks. I guess that's not really saying much if you all knew the backstory. Well, as it turns, I was already up 30lbs when I got pregnant with Mikey. You know....one of the post competition rebound things. Then on top of that I found myself with pregnant and gained almost another 30lbs on top of that. So realistically, I still have at least 30lbs to go to reach my 'normal' weight and my plan is to hit that goal by March/April.

So the first step towards any goal is to have a plan. My plan was to have my first day back in the gym this morning, early this morning. Well I was way too tired because getting up every 3hrs is rough. So now I have figured it out that my gym time will need to be later in the day until Mikey is sleeping well through the night. So I'm feeling pretty darn good and I'm ready to tackle this.

In other news, last week turned out to be a decent one. Little Mike had a bad day on Monday of last week where if you remember, I seriously thought I was going to pull my hair out. Turns out he was just having a bad day which I'm told will happen often in the beginning. The rest of the week though was tiring but much more of a breeze. I even conquered my fears and went out with the baby alone for the first time. Then I did it two additional times. Needless to say, I feel quite comfortable taking him out for the most part now. He did really good all three times and sometimes he cries just because he wants his mommy to hold him. I've read you can't really spoil a newborn baby but he has a lot of moments where he could be dry and fed, yet crying to be held. All in all, I started to enjoy him much more after that first initial breakdown.

For the most part I am just free styling this whole mommy thing and taking one day at a time. I didn't read any books or watch any videos, I'm just using common sense and going with what seems natural. It's a learning process and no one way is the perfect way, and I think I'm doing a good job. I didn't initially think I could do it all and do it all by myself but I am. Mike and I love him so much and we ARE doing it! My mom would be so proud if she could see us now.

Today will be better?!

I have to keep telling myself that or I might in fact go insane. Little man cried all day long. He would be fed and dipe dried and still crying. I have exclusively been breastfeeding and I'm sure that he is getting enough to eat because he is gaining and he has poo diapers at almost every changing. So I was thinking maybe he has colic? Well I don't know but I may call his doctor just for reassurance. In addition to that, the little guy barely slept all day yesterday except for a 2hr stretch and trust me, I was quite relieved because I got to nap as well. He would fall asleep and just as soon as he realizes that he isn't being held that is when he starts crying. He cried and screamed so much yesterday that I was nearly in tears myself by the time hubby got home which was around 8:45pm.

Everyone says it gets easier...Well when? Because this isn't really the fun part of being a SAHM at all. I'd rather be working or if I could have a nanny... I think that would be nice too. I will say that my baby is only 3wks and this is by far harder than having to go to any 9 to 5 job that I ever had. There is like no relief at all....nothing! Gawd...he is such a handful and parts of me can't help but to wonder if it is something that I did to him. Could it really be because I lacked that bonding experience with him when I was pregnant... Honestly, I wasn't really a nice person. Now I feel like he is making me pay for it?!

Moving along and upwards though....

Fitness front:.....still not any exercise happening here but I did want to post up my meals for the day. I know a few people that have been interested in seeing my meals and what I am eating. This is by no means perfect and I have to warn, I am not counting macros at the moment. It's just really eyeballing for portioning. I'm also eating extra things like cheese, bread and butter that I would not normally eat during a regular diet, but hey, I figure I can get away with it now since I am nursing and my body really does need the extra nutrients.

Meal 1: 2 whole eggs, 1.5 slices of real american cheese, 1 tspn butter, turkey sausage, large orange juice
Meal 2: Worldwide Pure protein bar
snack: baked cheeto's LMAO
Meal 3: Turkey hot dog, 1 slice or real american cheese, 1 slice honey wheat bread
snack: 100 cal pack and 1 gummies pack
Meal 4: Chicken thigh, chicken wing, roasted potatoes and carrots with bell pepper and onion
Meal 5: 2 white cheddar rice cakes, maple peanut butter (unmeasured)

So those are my meals and I pretty much eat the same thing every day with some substitutions. I've always been pretty boring when it comes to dieting and try to focus on eating for nutrition rather than taste. I will say though with these foods...they aren't clean by any means and they are very tasty. I enjoy them a lot so I'll probably be eating this for awhile with maybe some changes in my lean meats and adding in more veggies. It works for now and I'm still losing and keeping up with my milk supply at the same time and that's what is important.

Ok chow for now!

Happy Monday

Finally I'm getting a moment to myself. The little pumpkin is sleeping in his swing courtesy of one of his aunt. Last night was rough...I can't complain too much though because it seems like Mikey is on the every 3hrs schedule. Its just that sometimes he is up for a full 2 hrs in the middle of the night right after a feeding so that means that I was pratically getting sleep in 1-2hr incriments. So I was a bit tired all morning but was able to get the little one down for a 2hr nap and then I napped myself after washing his dipes. Now I guess you can say I'm feeling a little bit more rejuvenated. YEAH!!!


Mikey is also 3wks old today and can stand (not by himself), rollover and has even started smiling more and making new noises. Babies really do grow up so quick. He is already so much heavier and bigger than he was when he was born. Both his grandma's called to check up on him today as well, which is really nice. Everyone loves the little pumpkin and here I was all worried about him being lonely having myself come from such a small family, but everyone seems to be taking well to the little guy and seems thoroughly interested in how he is doing.

On the fitness tip:.... I took progress pics!! I know...I know... I said I would post them but really I'm not up for the challenge just yet. I will say that progress is being made and hopefully I will have the courage to go ahead and post them in a few weeks or so.


So far here is the progress:


Weight at labor: 188lbs
Last check in weight: 172.5lbs
Today's weight: 163lbs


So I'm really happy (25lbs I mean come on! ;) ) about where I am especially since I have not been able to workout just yet. My weight did seem to stall for a bit but I just slightly tightened up my diet a little bit more to make sure that I was still progressing. I actually don't know when I will be able to workout. I thought that I was feeling well enough to start this week (on a full body split) but my tummy is still a bit tender and sore. It actually still hurts when I'm holding the little pumpkin and not wearing my post partum belt. So that was actually my quethat I need to take things a little more slowly and not rush things, so thats pretty much where I'm at guys.

Everything happens for a reason..

This takes me way back to a time when I remember going through a lot of hurt and pain. At that time I was into filming and production and this is the name of a song that really pushed me through a rough time in my life, when things were hard, so hard that nightmares rarely escaped me. Now as I sit here typing, I can't help but to relive that time, the memories, the struggle, the heartache.... I've made it through it and I can't help but to think that my little boy happened for a reason. Just when you think there is no point, there all of a sudden is. In my darkest days after my mom's death, leading up to our relocation, heading face foward into new land, motherhood and all the other things that mattered so much then, rarely surfaces now! I wonder, really lingering.. now I feel like I have purpose, a reason to want to get up every single morning and do it all over again. Little Michael saved me and I suddenly feel all the hope, all the promise, all the possibility that got lost and blurred somewhere along the way to me finding out who I am, where I belong and what matters most in the smallest bit of precious time we have! I want to get up and do it all over again for him. So they say... everything happens for a reason. I believe he was/is MY reason!!!